Emmett LOVES Peanut Butter!
by fanwriter95
Summary: What happens when Emmett gets hooked on peanut butter? Tons! Jasper goes shopping, The family goes on a gameshow, and you should see who they're playing! Just a little OOC, but not much.
1. Peanut Butter

**Disclaimer-** everyone knows that I am NOT Stephanie Meyer and therefore do not own Twilight, hopefully. If you didn't, now you do! ^^) Also, I do not own Alvin and the chipmunks.

Ch. 1 EDPOV

I was concentrating hard on Alice's thoughts, trying to beat her at chess. All of a sudden, Emmett came over. "Hey Edward," he said. When I didn't answer, he repeated. "Edward!"

I realized he wasn't going to stop, so I sighed and said, "What is it, Emmett?"

Alice screamed, "NOOOO!!!" But, before I could see what she was thinking, she turned her thoughts on something else.

"You know what would be great?" he continued.

"What?" I was starting to get annoyed at him. His thoughts were a jumbled mess and he was keeping me from my rematch with Alice.

"Peanut butter!!" he exclaimed. He held up a half-eaten jar of the stuff.

I ignored him and went back to my game. I decided not to tell him that vampires and mortal food did not mix- at all.

Emmett said, "Edward. You know what would help you play better? Peanut butter!"

"You know what would help, Emmett? Shut up!"

Alice joined in, "Wouldn't it taste like dirt, anyway?"

He smiled, "Nope, it's the best stuff ever! I'm thinking of going on an all peanut butter diet. No more grizzly for this vampire!"

He continued to babble on about peanut butter, and I held the bridge of my nose. I regreted not going hunting with Bella.

Alice asked, "Where did you get the idea to eat peanut butter, anyway?" She was laughing internally.

"Oh, I got the idea from Bella. She was talking about food she liked as a human, and I just _had _to try it!"

I decided to question her when she got home. I knocked over my king and said, "You win this time, Alice."

BPOV

I was almost home, but my instincts told me something bad was waiting for me. I pushed the invisable shield from my mind and thought _Edward, I'm back. _I walked in and there he stood, arms crossed.

Emmett came up and gave me a big bear hug "Thanks for the peanut butter, sis. I LOVE it!" My first thought was _oh no!_ I knew how Emmett could get.

"It seems," said Edward. "That you've gotten Emmett hooked on peanut butter."

"It was Renesmee's idea to give him any!" I said quickly. As soon as I said that, she came home from Jacob's house. _Talk about bad timing, _I thought.

REPOV

I walked in to find everybody staring at me. My dad spoke up, "Did you give Emmett peanut butter?" I looked around, my uncle was nowhere in sight.

"You know," I said defensively. "Alice could have seen it coming."

All eyes turned to Alice, who smiled. "Maybe so. But it wouldn't have been _near _as fun to watch!" Alice went on, "Plus, I am very busy. I'm off to go shopping!"

Out of nowhere, Jasper appeared. "For once, I want to go with you!"

"Where did you come from?" I asked, a little freaked out.

"I know, I came out of my room!" We all heard Emmett's footsteps, and Jasper ran over to Alice. He quickly exclaimed, "Let's go!"

Alice clapped her hands excitedly. "Yay! Jazz's coming shopping!" Then they were gone.

I spoke up, "Hey, don't leave us here alone Alice!" But I could already hear the sound of tires squealing.

Emmett jumped down to the second floor, avoiding the stairs entirely. I realized that it was just me, my mom and my dad here with Emmett, who seemed to be hight on peanut butter. Why did people always conveniently disappear when he started acting strange? The answer came seconds later. He held up what looked like four tickets. "Guess what I got?!" He asked in a sing-song voice. "Tickets to Name That Song!!"

"A _gameshow?_" My dad asked.

"Yep. Won them on a radio station! He grinned, "Come on, there's just enough tickets for all of us!"

My mom raised an eyebrow, "You know, I'm stronger than you, Emmett. I think I have more of a choice in matters like these now."

My dad turned to her. "That may be true. But if he forces me to go, I'm dragging you with me!"

She sighed, "Fine! What's in it for us?"

"Just a life-time supply of peanut butter- human life-time, that is.....but I promise not to bug you for a year!"

Dad considered it, "A whole year free from Emmett's crazy schemes? Even if we're immortal, that's still not bad. So, who's our opponents?" As soon as my dad asked, he made a face.

"Who is it, Daddy?"

My dad glared at Emmett, "Alvin and the chipmunks."

**(Dun Dun Dunnnn!) ok, please comment if you want to hear about the gameshow!**


	2. Name That Song

**Sorry, I was busy and I didn't type this up until late last night, and I didn't want to post it then.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Alvin and the Chipmunks, or any of the songs I talk about during the show. I don't own the gameshow, either, unless there isn't one like it, in which case I just might! ;)**

Ch. 2

BPOV

We had been in an airplane for hours, five to be exact. All the while, Emmett pestered us about winning the gameshow. "Come on, we _have_ to win! The peanut butter is at stake here!"

Renesmee looked annoyed. Edward, on the other hand, seemed use to Emmett's mindless rambling. I unblocked my mind and thought _Will he ever stop?!_

"Oh, he hasn't even started yet!"

Just then Emmett said, "We're here! I can already taste the peanut butter!"

"Uh, Emmett, that's because you're _eating _some." I fought the urge to laugh.

He looked down at the jar in his hands. "Oh. Right."

The place was surprisingly full. I wondered why so many people would come to watch a gameshow. Looking at the seats I realized it was because of who was _on _the show. Mostly the stands were filled with Twilight fan girls.

Our opponents were already sitting at a tacky, light green table. The one we went to sit at was blue. I noticed nothing here matched. The floor was pink. The walls were orange.

Emmett looked at the audience, then turned to me with a smile. "Don't eat the innocent towns people!" He teased.

I just rolled my eyes. He was obviously refering to me being a newborn. Although it _was_ tempting to make Emmett pay for this, I had no intention of hurting the audience.

Suddenly a man in a pink and purple pocka-dotted suit walked up. The theme song played, and sounded suspiciously like the Barbie Girl song.

I glared at Emmett, who was adding the words to the music being played. Yep, he was definitly paying for this!

A voice blared from speakers about us. "Welcome to Name That Song! Today we have Team Twilight-" Here a million fan girls began screaming "- and Alvin and the Chipmunks." A smaller, yet noticably higher-pitched cheer came from the chipmunk fans. "Now, here's your host, that-one-guy-with-a-tacky-suit-and-microphone!"

The host gave a cheesy smile and said in an inthusiastic voice, "Thank you! Please, hold your applause!" No one had been clapping. The man continued, unfazed. "Now, here is how the game is played: I will say lyrics aloud and if you know what song they go to, press the button in front of you! Let's begin!" He paused dramatically and said, " 'You're going to be, a shiny star, with fancy clothes, and fancy ca-ars!' "

The other team buzzed in. They stated their answer, but no one could understand a word they were saying.

"I'm sorry! Team Twilight, your turn!"

I knew the answer. "Live Your Life."

"That's correct! Let's go to commercial!" Gez. I had thought commercials came quick, but this was rediculous! That-one-guy-with-a-microphone announced, "We are back! The score is 1 to zip, Team Twilight is winning! The next song is 'Look at me, look at-'!"

Renesmee buzzed quickly, "No Handlebars."

"That is correct. Now, back to commercial!"

Everybody on our team gave Renesmee a strange look. "What? That came out of nowhere, I swear! I don't listen to flowbots!"

"Riiiiight!" Said Edward.

"Have you noticed the host of the show says everything as an exclamation?" I asked him.

Edward laughed, "You should hear his thoughts!"

"We're back! And what a sad time for the chipmunks! It's 2 to 0! The next lyrics are 'You're up then you're down, you're wrong when-'!"

Edward pressed the buzzer. "Hot and Cold."

"Good! Once again, commercial time!"

This happened once again, Emmett guessing the theme to Spongebob Squarepants and another two second commercial break.

Finally, the last song was announced. "Please Christmas don't be-'!"

The chipmunks buzzed in this time. Their guardian actually had enough sense to say the answer so that people would know what the animals were saying. "The aswer is: That One Christmas Song We Sing That No One Knows the Name of."

"Correct!"

"Well," I said. "Looks like it's 4 to 1."

Edward whispered, "...Not exactly...."

"Five points to Alvin and the Chipmunks for answering the last question! So sorry Twilight fans! Looks like the chipmunks win the life-time supply of peanut butter!"

Edward plugged his ears just as a loud, high-pitched screech filled the room. I had to plug my ears to dampen the sound of chipmunks celebrating.

Emmett was very quiet on the plane home. He hadn't touched his jar of peanut butter since the show.

I took this as a bad sign. "Emmett, are you ok?"

"I'm just fine. But man, my stomach sure does hurt!"

I heard Edward chuckle quietly.

Emmett turned to Edward, "You know what would be good right now?"

I laughed. _uh-oh!_

Edward seemed puzzled. Probably trying to figure out Emmett's thoughts. "Fine. Would the answer possibly be peanut butter?!"

Emmett smiled. "Nope. Pie!"

**Ok, I'm thinking about continuing this story, I still have a few ideas left. Hopefully, you'll be hearing more from Emmett and his beloved human food! meanwhile, you can check out my other stories. they are more serious, but I think you would like them. Remember R&R!**


	3. Pie Musical

**This is a really long one just for my fans who asked! ^^) I was thinking this would be the last one, but I'll see where it goes first. Sorry it took an incredibly long time to write this, I was soooo busy! This one is a play! (I know, I just had to do one of those musical things). Just to let you know, me and my sis co-wrote this, and together we're a pretty strange team (she put the songs in, so don't blame me!) :). Ok, here is the stunning conclusion!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Time of My Life, Me and My Gang, The Emo Song, or Twilight.**

Ch. 3

Emmett was driving everyone crazy. Literitly. Of course, I should have known this would happen. Why did I give him human food?

He walked into the room clutching his stomach. He tried not to let us know about his stomach ache. I figured he was too proud to hear "I told you so." Then again, maybe he didn't want his food taken away. Whatever the reason, Emmett was a horrible actor. "Hi...guys..._ow_...what's happening?...._ah!_....I was just.....wondering if....you've seen my....pies?" That was his big thing now. Emmett still loved peanut butter, but it reminded him of loosing to Alvin and the Chipmunks. That was a sore topic to him.

Alice began laughing uncontrollably, but as always kept her thoughts to herself. Even Edward glared as he found her thoughts guarded. "Gotta go. Bye Bella, Edward, Jasper, Rosalie, Esme." She smiled. "And last but not least, Emmett!"

As soon as she left, I heard a car pull up. Oh good, Carlisle was going to be part of Emmett's tor- fun. He opened the door and in walked the doctor himself, followed closely by Jacob and Renesmee. These people had the worst timing! This time, though, Jacob would be in the middle of whatever Emmett had planned.

"Oh, everybody's here! _ow! _I can...tell everyone at the same....time!"

Edward spoke up, "Alice isn't here."

"Yeah, where is that foreseeing midget?" Jacob still didn't use names.

"Um... I think the word is pixie." Renesmee corrected.

Jacob raised an eyebrow. "Pixie?!"

"Enough." Emmett interupted. "Whatever...she is..._gah!..._she was in on...._ow!_....it!"

Everybody groaned. What was he planning? Better yet, what could be so bad that Alice joined Emmett, possibly just to avoid taking part?

"We're....making a...._ah!...._play/musical....in front of....the whole town!" He held up a stack of scripts, throwing them to people at random.

Edward sighed. "Can't you talk to use before writing scripts....or buying tickets?"

Emmett tried his best to look sad, but failed. "If I did..._ouch!...._that, then...you would say no!"

I looked at Edward, "That's true."

Emmett nodded. "Ok, now...I will tell you your...parts...Bella.._arg!_...baker...Edward....baker's...._gah!_...chicken-"

"WHAT?! I'M NOT BEING A FREAKING CHICKEN, EMMETT!!"

"Don't...interupt Edward!" Emmett paused, then continued. "I'm a...man..._when will this pain ever cease?! no no, I'm fine..._hungry for pie...Rosie....is...my equally..._gosh darn, this hurts!..._hungry wife."

"Emmett, I'm not eating pies."

"Oh yes...you will...honey....now...Jasper's an...emo who hates pie...Carlisle and Esme..._ow!_...Jasper's parents."

Jasper glared at Emmett. Carlisle and Esme sighed in relief, they're parts weren't that bad.

"Renesmee....random girl...who gets...Jasper...to like..pie...Jacob is.._aaaahhhh!..._Renesmee's dog....a chihuahua."

Jacob's mouth flew open and his eyes grew huge. "I don't look anything like a chihuahua! Ok, I'm leaving! I don't know why I came here, anyway."

Renesmee grabbed his hand. "Because I'm here, and if I have to go through this torture you're coming with me!"

"At least you aren't a chicken!" Edward said glumily. Then to Emmett he said, "You're crazy if you think I'm acting like a chicken."

"You aren't...just going to..._act _like a chicken...you're _dressing_...like one!"

"Why did you buy a chicken suit?! And that is Alice's size, I'll never be able to fit!"

Emmett shrugged. "Alice was...supposed to be..._ow!_...the chicken...but she saw what I was planning....and made a truce....she's helping me...now!"

Rosalie stuck her bottom lip out in a pout. "Emmy, I could make a truce with you." She batted her eyelashes. Everyone exchanged a look that said _oh dear!_

Emmett smiled, "Oh...you'll be in the....play..._ow! ooohh!_....you just won't have to...eat pie."

The room once again erupted into groans, but this time Rosalie was cheering happily.

hours later

Everyone was in costume, and let me just say that we looked rediculous. Jacob had phased, but still looked nothing like a chihuahua. Edward was the funniest, though. His chicken suit looked about four sizes too small, making his legs stick out way past the amount they were supposed to. I hid my laughter with a violent coughing fit. The curtain raised suddenly, Rosalie and Emmett's turns. He was laying on a bed looking pathetic. **(a/n I made the parts abbreviated cause I didn't want to write out the names, but you can probably tell who's who.)**

E: Oh...my beautiful....wife...come here...I am dying.

R: Yes dear?

E: I remember...my most treasured...childhood memory....eating pie...please...I want some...before I die.

R: Of course, dear. I will find the best baker in the land. You will have your pie!

Something that sounded suspiciously like The Time of My Life by David Cook was playing in the background. The lights shifted and Jasper, Carlisle, and Esme walked out. Wow, this play was already way too chessy for me.

Es: What is wrong, my child?

J: Pie is horrible. I hate it!

C: He should not be forced to eat something he doesn't like, and neither shall the townspeople. As king, I ban pie!

The scene shifted to me, and I came out. I noticed for the first time the amount of people. Everyone we had ever met was sitting there staring at the cheesey lines Emmett had written. Oh joy! Sitting right up front was the traitor herself. She smiled and waved to me. If not for my part, I would have yelled at her, or at least glared.

R: Quick! You must make a pie for my dieing husband. It is his last wish!

B: I'm sorry, pies were banned just this morning.

R: Oh no! What can I do? (Renesmee and Jacob walk in)

Re: I can help! I will go and convince the prince to like pie.

R: Oh thank you, kind stranger! Please, hurry.

Ja: (barks)

Re: (music begins to play) Way on down to southern Alabama, With the guitars jammin' that's where we're headed, Straight up to Butte, Montana singin' Lord I was born a ramblin' man, California to Oregon, Even New York City got one or two hillbillies ready to hit the road, It's a brother and a sister kinda thang, Raise up your hands if you all wanna hang with, Me and my gang, We live to ride, we ride to live, Me and my gang, Jump on that train, Grab a hold of them reins, We gonna rock this thang, cock this thang, Me and my gang

J: (dramatically) bark!

Re: We got hippies, gypsies, freaks and geeks, High class women in Daisy Duke denim, Bangin' on gongs and singin' our songs, Dude named Elrock jammin on an iPod, Beer and bonfires  
Wide open throttle, Coors in a bottle, It's all for one and ONE FOR ALL YA'LL, It's a brother and a sister kinda thang, Raise up your hands if you all wanna hang with, With me and my gang, We live to ride, we ride to live, Me and my gang, Jump on that train, Grab a hold of them reins, We gonna rock this thang, cock this thang, Me and my gang

J: Bark!

**(a/n we just HAD to add that song, it reminds me and my sis of Jacob and his friends :) ). **The scene switched to the castle once again.

Re: Prince, you must get your parents to get rid of the law banning. A man is dieing and his last wish is to eat some pie.

J: No! (Pauses and reluctantly mumbles)....because I'm emo and hate pie! (a piano intro of some kind plays) E is for emotional, ruins everybody's day, M is for miserable peeeooople, O is for the daaark side, cause we have some fresh cookies! **(a/n once again, my sis's choice :) )**

Ja: (barks angrily)

Re: Exactly! What my pet...uh...chihuahua said!

J: (is supposed to look uneasy, but begins laughing histerically)

Ja: (growls at Jasper)

J: Ok ok!...er...I have tried pie, and I don't see how anyone could eat it. It tastes like dirt!

The last part Jasper added himself. All of the vampires knew what he was talking about and tried not to burst out laughing.

Re: You must not have eaten pies from the best baker in the land. Here, try some (hands Jasper a piece of pie)

J: (sighs) fine! I will try the pie, but I'd better like it! (tries pie while forcing himself not to gag, then forces a smile) Yum. Best pie I've ever tasted. From now on, this baker shall be the only one to make pies.

Everyone gathered at Emmett's bedside. Jasper mumbled just low enough for us to hear "Oh, he'll pay for that one! Yuck, that was distgusting!" I nodded inconspiciously. Emmett was a horrible play writer.

R: Honey, I have your pie. Here you are.

E: Thank...you! (eats pie) Wow...I feel...better now!

B: Yes, all thanks to my pet chicken

Ed: (walks in and squawks like a chicken half-heartedly as the audience rumbles with laughter)

The cast stood in front of the audience and did the traditional hold hands and bow thing. We walked off just as the people in the audience began to talk. I recognized a few voices and groaned internally. Then backstage everybody began yelling at Emmett.

"That had no point!"

"Emmy, my hair's a mess now!"

"I didn't even have a part, why'd I dress up like a chicken?!"

Emmett smiled. "I have an...explaination for..._ow!_...everything....You can't catch me!" We all watched as he ran five feet before collapsing. "Ow! Darn food!"

Carlisle went to Emmett's side, "Ok, fun's over. Let's go hunting." Emmett relunctantly followed.

As soon as he was gone, Edward turned to us. "After he's done hunting we start our revenge!" He thought for a moment, then added "And his equally annoying accomplice, too. Deal?"

"Deal!" Everyone agreed with a smile. Oh, this would be good!


End file.
